


Unrested

by BreakfastTea



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Jack gets a mention, Mac needs sleep, Matty takes care of her boy, POV Multiple, Sleep Deprivation, so matty takes care of it, whether Mac likes it or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25152139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreakfastTea/pseuds/BreakfastTea
Summary: Mac hasn't slept properly in days. He's nearly wrecked every relationship he holds dear, but he's still got his best friend and a boss who has a good family recipe to help him get some much needed rest. (Post 4x13)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	Unrested

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! For those of you new to my writing, one of my favourite things to do is explore the consquences of a character's actions. And after everything that happens in S4, I had to write this. I quite enjoyed the darker tone of S4. From a writer's perspective, it's full of delicious character development potential :D

The debrief lasted hours. Actually, it might’ve been a whole day. Mac was beyond time, beyond exhaustion. He had no idea when he’d last slept properly. Insomnia has been a constant companion lately. His caffeine consumption could only be described as questionable. He didn’t care. He did whatever it took to get the job done.

The job. Bringing down Codex.

It wasn’t going according to plan.

His aunt.

Another death. Another body.

More destruction to leave in his increasingly deadly wake.

There had been a lot of questions about Gwen. But it was over now. He was alone. On leave, actually. Not meant to set foot inside Phoenix for a month. Except he hadn’t left yet. Drained and exhausted, feeling a constant need to just breakdown and cry, he couldn’t find the energy and focus required to drive himself home.

He also couldn’t actually remember when he’d sat down in the war room, the windows blanked out so people knew not to come in. He stared at the bowl of paperclips, mind leaping from thought to thought. He couldn’t shut them down, couldn’t find peace and quiet.

Couldn’t find rest or sleep.

“Mac?”

He jolted. He hadn’t heard Matty come in. She walked over to him, her expression one of outright concern. He’d expected anger. Maybe frustration. Probably a touch of disappointment. But she just looked worried. Really worried.

“You need to go home,” she said, her voice gentle. “You’re exhausted, and you’re on leave.”

“Yeah.”

“When did you last get some sleep?” Matty asked. “Real, proper sleep?”

He leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling as though he’d find all the answers up there.

“Mac?” Even now Matty doesn’t sound annoyed. Just worried. Maybe scared. Scared for him.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I can’t shut off.”

“It ends tonight.”

Matty says it like it would be enough to cure his insomnia and shut down the hamster wheel that had taken up residence in his head. He smiled at the idea. His insomnia, scared off by his boss.

Then again, Matty Webber wasn’t to be underestimated.

He waited for more platitudes, maybe some advice on creating the perfect sleeping environment. Instead he hears her heels clicking against the floor as she marched off to the door. Curious now, he looked at her. She was at the doorway, back to him, typing on her phone.

Until she sensed his eyes on her. Matty looked and stared at him. “You gonna make me wait all night, blondie?”

“No.” He followed her. “Where are we going?”

“Bozer’s gonna give us a ride.”

“Where to?” Mac asked.

“Home, Mac. We’re taking you home.”

He was too wound up and exhausted for this. “Matty, I can get myself home. I’ll rest. I’ll –”

“Do all of that, yes,” she said, in a tone that told him to stop lying to her. How was she this good? “But you’re in no fit state to drive safely and so help me, Mac, if you even try driving before you’ve had a solid night’s sleep, I’ll have your licence revoked.”

“She will you know,” Bozer said, stepping out from the stairway leading to the lab. He had a smile on his face and his bag over his shoulder. “C’mon, Mac, you’re going home. We’re gonna get some food, chill out, and then you’re gonna sleep.”

Sleep. Right. If only it was that easy. He’d gone days without proper sleep, and the adrenaline that had kept him going was well and truly depleted. And yet his thoughts just would not settle. Guilt and loss churned inside him until it would surely rise up and choke him.

“Mac?”

Bozer’s concerned voice brought Mac back to the moment. He forced a smile. He knew it probably looked more like a grimace. “Sure. Sounds good.”

They headed for the parking lot. Matty stopped. “Oh, Bozer. I’ve just remembered I need to pick something up. Bring the car around front and I’ll meet you there.”

“You got it,” Bozer said. He grabbed Mac’s arm and led him away. “You gonna need a few?”

“I’ll be there in five,” she called back, disappearing downstairs.

Mac allowed himself to be led away by Bozer. He didn’t argue, didn’t comment. Really, he had nothing to say.

Actually, that was a total lie. He had a lot to say. He stared at the back of Bozer’s head. Where should he start? Sorry or thank you? Sorry for what I chose to do? Thank you for not giving up on me? Mac reached up to massage his head. He could feel a migraine coming on. No doubt about it.

Bozer swung around. “Mac?” He sounded uncertain.

“Yeah?” Mac swallowed his guilt. He’d done this to his oldest friend, made him doubtful and uncertain.

“I’m always gonna be here for you,” Bozer said. “No matter what. I need you to know that.”

Mac looked Bozer, at the man who’d been there since his school days, who’d followed him into the Phoenix and stayed there even after it’d nearly cost him his life. The man who told him everything, trusted him with his deepest, darkest tragedies…

And Mac had left him out in the cold.

Abandoned him.

Tears fell before Mac could stop them. He was too tired, too far gone for control. He grabbed Bozer, pulling him into a hug.

Sorry and thank you. All in one.

Bozer reached around, holding him. His warm hands rubbed Mac’s back. “It’s okay. I knew you could never turn on us. You’re a good man. You’re my boy. You don’t deserve any of what’s been happening to you. It’s too much. And I told you before, being mad at you is like being mad at a puppy. I can’t do it. And I was never mad anyway. Just worried.”

Mac clung on, weeping. He couldn’t speak.

“We’re good, Mac. I promise. You just gotta remember you can talk to me. About anything.”

Mac had done this to protect Bozer. Protect everyone. He hadn’t expected Riley to go with him. He didn’t want Bozer to doubt what he meant to him.

But not a single word of that found a way to Mac’s tongue. He was too tired to string together a coherent argument right now. So he just held onto Bozer like his life depended on it.

“Damn, man, you gotta sleep,” Bozer said, reaching up to ruffle Mac’s hair. “Sleep a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Not that crying is bad. Crying is good. Healthy, actually. You should be doing more of it. Just after you get some sleep.”

Pulling back, Mac wiped his eyes. “I know,” he said, forcing himself to take a deep breath. “Sorry. It’s been a hell of a day.”

“It’s been a hell of a year, Mac,” Bozer said. “You’re allowed to have a breakdown.”

Maybe. But not here, and not now. And maybe not even with company he did know and love.

Five minutes later, Mac was in the back seat of Bozer’s car. Matty sat up front, and they were heading through the LA traffic to Mac’s place. He watched the car lights streaming by, the never-ending passage of cars strangely soothing. The hum of their engines filled his head, giving him a chance to focus on other, more important things.

“Is Riley okay?” Mac asked.

“Yeah, Desi took her home a while back,” Bozer said. “She’ll catch up with you tomorrow. Riley, that is.”

Guilt hit him. Desi. He’d treated her like shit, hurt her in more ways than anyone deserved. His own actions disgusted him. He’d done it knowingly, abused her trust in him. Who the hell was he now? There were no limits to his own darkness. Maybe if his head had been clearer, he could’ve come up with a better way of dealing with all this. He could’ve found a way that wouldn’t have hurt someone he cared about so deeply.

The streaming car lights carried on. To Mac’s eyes, they looked like they were dancing, ribbons of light spiralling and twirling. He reached up a hand to trace them across the window. They followed his finger, dancing on command.

“Mac?” Matty’s voice cut through. It sounded like she’d been calling him for a while. He blinked. The lights were all settled back to normal. “You awake back there?”

Sleep deprivation led to hallucinations. He was dreaming while he was awake. “I think I need to sleep.”

And try to comprehend…

…everything.

He felt it again. The constant threat of tears. His thoughts pushed him closer to the edge. He dragged in air, sounding like a man barely escaping drowning.

“At least you have some sense of self-preservation,” Matty said.

Bozer snorted. Actually snorted.

“Thanks, Boze,” Mac said. “Really feeling the love back here.”

“Sorry man, but I can’t deny reality,” Bozer said. “You’re so exhausted you’re starting to look sick.”

Smiling faintly, Mac sunk into the backseat. His head was so heavy, his thoughts requiring so much effort. He kept slipping into brief, awful microsleeps. Nightmares waited, even in the briefest snippets of sleep. He jolted awake from watching Aunt Gwen being ripped apart by an explosion, convinced smoke wafted through the car. Based on Bozer and Matty’s calm conversation, he couldn’t be more wrong about that.

By the time they pulled up at his place, Mac was seeing writing on the car’s interior. It looked like blueprints to some bizarre kind of bomb. When had Bozer done that to his own car?

“I think Mac needs some help getting out of the car.” Matty’s voice was strangely muffled. It took Mac a moment to realise they others had already stepped out. “I’ll go on ahead.”

The car door opened. Bozer reached in, unbuckling Mac’s seatbelt. “Man, you are out of it.”

Not out of it enough. He could already feel wakefulness creeping up on him, pushing back on the exhaustion. It was good to see his house again. It was good to be surrounded by open space. He’d spent too much time crammed up in Codex’s underground city. He never wanted to be in a place like that ever again, a place with no sky, no open air, no freedom.

Bozer’s hand was gentle on Mac’s arm. “Let’s get you inside.”

Mac followed, feeling silly. He was a grown ass man, and here he was, being led around like a child by his best friend and his boss.

He missed Jack. God, did he miss Jack.

That thought almost broke him there and then. It took every last scrap of his pathetic self-control to hold himself together.

“You gotta let it out at some point,” Bozer said. “Trauma eats at you. You need to talk.”

“Not now, Boze, please.” Mac knew he was begging. He was beyond caring. This was all too much. And the sleep deprivation migraine was stepping up a gear.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. Let’s get you in. You can take a shower. Matty’s gonna take care of something to eat, and then you’re gonna sleep.”

“I’m not hungry,” Mac mumbled.

“Sleep then,” Bozer said. “But shower first. Seriously, man. I haven’t said anything before, but your BO right now is offensive to everyone and everything with a nose.”

Sleep? “I’ll try.” It was Mac’s best offer.

“No,” Bozer said in such a no-nonsense tone, Mac’s back straightened, like he was still in the military. “You’re sleeping tonight.”

Mac went into the bathroom, shed his clothes and stepped under the warm downpour. Listless, he watched the water swirl down the drain.

Aunt Gwen was dead.

_You deserve the world, and the world deserves you._

Mom. Dad. Now Gwen. And so, so many others.

For the first time in his life, Mac was truly adrift. Because now there was no hope of reunion. No hope of repairing relationships.

Mac broke down, weeping into the shower and too tired to care if anyone heard.

He didn’t want anyone else to die. He couldn’t bear it.

Fifteen minutes later, Mac was in control again. Fresher from the shower and clad in old sweats, he met Matty at the door to his bedroom. She held out a steaming mug.

“It’s an old family recipe,” she said. “Guaranteed to give you a good night’s sleep.”

Mac took the mug. It was an X-Files one Jack had given him a few years back. _The Truth Is Out There._ Jack had called him Scully. And who wouldn’t want to be Scully? That was a woman who appreciated the intricacies of good scientific methodology. He peered at the mug’s contents. “It’s hot chocolate,” he said.

“Yes it is,” Matty said. “Glad you still have a solid grasp on the obvious.”

“It’s full of sugar which won’t exactly help me sleep.” Although just holding the warm beverage was very soothing.

“Are you insulting my family recipe?” Matty asked, her tone dangerous.

Bozer whistled from the kitchen. “Sleep deprivation’s making you crazy, man.”

“Drink,” Matty said. “And trust me.”

Knowing how desperate he was for sleep, Mac chugged the lot. He came up for air. “Wow,” he said. The taste hit him again. “Wow, Matty, that’s… Wow.” He’d never had such a perfect cup of cocoa in his whole life. “Thank you.”

Matty beamed. “Next time, take it without the argument.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Mac said.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Now, go brush your teeth and get into bed. Trust me, my hot chocolate’s never fail.”

Knowing better than to argue, Mac did as he was told. He barely made it back out of the bathroom before his legs buckled.

Bozer, somehow, was there to catch him.

Like…

Like he knew…

“Whoa, it’s hitting you harder than I thought,” Bozer said. “Matty really wasn’t wrong about the power of her hot chocolate. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Not hot chocolate,” Mac mumbled, words turning to mush in his mouth. There was no way… Matty had…

He caught sight of her. She didn’t look triumphant or smug. She looked relieved. “Sleep well,” she said.

Mac got the feeling he really wasn’t going to have a choice in the matter. “No fair,” he managed to spit out.

Matty shrugged. “It was this or a baseball bat to the back of your head.”

“Am I missing something?” Bozer asked.

“Just help him to bed,” Matty said. “He’s gonna be out any second.”

“Okay.” Bozer helped Mac into his bedroom, settling him on his freshly made bed. “There you go. Sleep for as long as you need.”

“Bozer?” Mac called out, even as he sank into the delicious softness of his bed.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” he said, words slurring. He rolled onto his side, sinking gratefully into his mattress. “For everything.”

“Anytime.”

Mac was out. Relief flooded Bozer, glad to see him resting at last. The guy had been open and honest about his insomnia of late, but this was too much for anyone to withstand. Mac had been through hell lately, endured more than any single human ought to. There was no way he could hope to deal with the emotional fallout before he got some proper rest.

“You’re not gonna have to face this alone,” Bozer told his sleeping friend, throwing his blanket over him.

Footsteps told Bozer Matty had come into the bedroom. “He out?” she asked.

“Totally out.” Bozer tucked his friend in. Looking over to Matty, he gave her the thumbs up. “That’s one hell of a family recipe you’ve got there.”

“Phoenix family special,” she said. “A very, very mild sedative, with medical approval.” She came over to the bed, nodding to herself. “If he wasn’t this run down, it never would’ve hit him so hard.”

They retreated to the deck. “What are we gonna do with him?” Bozer asked.

“We’re gonna give him time,” Matty said. “And we’re gonna be here for him.”

“And give him the number of a good therapist,” Bozer said.

“Whatever it takes to get our boy back on his feet,” Matty said.

“So, get Jack back?” Bozer said. As much as he wished Mac would talk to him, there were certain things he’d only ever share with Jack.

Matty shook her head. “Even I can’t make that happen.”

“Then it’s up to us,” Bozer said. “Mac needs us more than ever, and I’m not gonna let him down.”

“You never have,” Matty said.

“Yeah, I have,” Bozer said. “Look at him. You had to drug him to get him to sleep. I should’ve done more, should’ve reached out, got him to talk to me.” He blinked hard against his own tears. “He’s my best friend, and I let him get like this.”

“We all did,” Matty said. “We were so busy fighting, we forgot to look after our own.”

“No more,” Bozer said. “From now on, we’re sticking together.”

“You’re damn right,” Matty said.

Bozer’s phone chimed in his pocket. He pulled it out, spotted the message from Riley. She wanted to know if Mac was okay. Bozer sent back a quick message, promising her he was fine. Asleep. Properly asleep.

He didn’t mention Matty’s trick.

Riley messaged back promising to come by in the morning. _But only if there are waffles._

“Oh, there will be waffles,” Bozer said, fingers flying as he messaged the confirmation.

“Do you think there’s actually anything edible in this place?” Matty asked. “Because all I had to do was heat up the drink.”

“Let’s see,” Bozer said, returning to the kitchen.

Two minutes later, he ordered Mexican. He also sent an ingredient list to Riley for the waffles.

A few hours and one very good meal later, Matty gathered her things and called a cab. “Call me if you need anything,” she said.

“I will,” Bozer said. “Thanks for everything, Matty.”

“Take care of our boy,” she told him. “I know Russ expects Mac to take care of things, but he’s not up to it. Not yet.”

Bozer nodded. “I got him.”

Matty left. Bozer set up his old room, knowing he wasn’t going home to his apartment anytime soon. Job done, Bozer checked on Mac. He smiled at the sight of his friend in the exact same position. The fact that he’d even walked into the room without Mac waking up proved how deep his sleep was.

Closing the door, Bozer retreated to his old room.

* * *

Riley arrived the next morning alone. Bozer expected Desi, but she hadn’t come. He didn’t blame her. She’d gone through a lot too, had her trust broken. That took time to repair, and Mac wasn’t awake yet to get started on the problem that was definitely of his own making. Bozer gave Riley a hug. She hugged him back.

“I got the ingredients,” she said. “Is Mac up yet?”

“No,” Bozer said. “I checked on him a while ago and he was still out. Like, didn’t even stir out. Waffles might have to wait.”

“Uh, no, they won’t,” Riley said. “You can just make him more when he finally wakes up.”

Mac finally woke up after noon, staggering out of his bedroom with his hair pointing in more directions than an anime character. Bozer took pity and ushered him into the bathroom. “There’s waffles when you’re ready. And coffee.”

He didn’t mention the coffee was decaf. He valued his life.

By the time Mac emerged from the bathroom, his hair was slightly flatter and that was about it. He looked no more awake than before. Even after breakfast (which was really lunch, given the hour), he was already falling asleep again.

Riley chuckled as she dragged him to the sofa. “I can’t believe Matty drugged you.”

Mac grunted. He fell onto the seat beside her, already tipping sideways onto the pillows.

“Wow, still non-verbal, okay,” Bozer said. He grabbed a blanket and threw it at Mac. It hit him in the face and fell into his lap. “Sorry!”

Mac mumbled something and pulled the blanket around himself. His eyes drooped. “You guys don’t have to stay,” he said around a massive yawn.

“He speaks!” Riley declared.

“Yeah, we do,” Bozer said. “We are here for you, okay? Whenever you’re ready to talk, we’re here to listen.” No way was he gonna leave Mac now.

“Thanks, Boze, Riles.” Mac’s eyes were already closed. “Think I’m gonna be asleep.”

“You do what you gotta do,” Bozer said. 

“Mmm.” That was all they got before Mac was asleep again.

Riley stared at Bozer, eyes wide. “Whoa,” she said. “What the heck did Matty give him?”

“She said it was mild,” Bozer said.

“Mild my ass,” Riley said. She reached down and pulled Mac’s legs onto the couch. “He isn’t good right now, Boze.”

“I know. And that’s why we’re staying,” Bozer said. “We’re gonna need supplies. Mac’s kitchen is empty. You okay to watch him while I make a run to the grocery store?”

“I got him,” Riley said. She grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on. She found reruns of _Friends_ and settled back. “I’ll let you know if we have any trouble.”

Bozer made the trip in an hour, carting bags of food into the house. He found Riley where he’d left her, chuckling at the old sitcom. Mac slept on, oblivious. Bozer took a photo and sent it to Matty with the message _the Phoenix family recipe still hard at work._

Matty messaged back with a thumbs up emoji.

Slipping his phone away, Bozer got started in the kitchen. Good food and good company. That was what Mac needed. And Bozer was gonna give it to him for as long as he needed. He got the feeling Riley wasn’t going anywhere either.

Mac awoke just in time for dinner. He chugged an entire bottle of water to Bozer and Riley’s silent amazement.

“You thirsty there, Mac?” Riley asked, muting the TV.

He groaned. “Feels like something crawled into my mouth and died.”

“Go brush your teeth,” Bozer said. “And then get ready because I have got a feast ready for us.”

“Yes, sir,” Mac said, padding off to the bathroom.

“I made curry,” Bozer called. “Just like that paneer masala we had in Mumbai last year.”

An hour, and a lot of curry later, the three of them sat on the deck. Mac had a bottle of soda. He wasn’t in the mood for alcohol. He watched his friends, and felt something close to peaceful. Sure, Codex was still out there, and he’d probably permanently wrecked his relationship with Desi, but he wasn’t totally alone. He hadn’t shattered every relationship.

And he would apologise to Desi. In person. Properly. No phone messages. No texting. He expected nothing from her. No acceptances. No forgiveness. He just had to explain it all to her, now that the world wasn’t under immediate nuclear threat.

But all that would have to wait for now.

He cleared his throat. Bozer and Riley looked over to him. Mac held up his soda bottle. “Thank you.” He looked to Riley. “For going with me.”

She raised her own soda. “Anytime.”

Mac looked to Bozer. “And for always being here for me.”

“You got it, Mac,”Bozer said. “And you know it’s cool for you to not be okay, right?”

“Yeah,” he said. “And you’re right. Because I’m not okay.” He sucked in a deep breath. “But I will be.”

“Just don’t rush it,” Bozer said. “Grief takes time. You do it your way.”

Mac nodded. “I know. Thanks, man.”

“Welcome,” Bozer said.

“Just remember if you try to go a week without proper sleep again, Matty will make more hot chocolate,” Riley said.

“I’ll sleep,” Mac said. “And if I can’t, I’ll find a podcast or something.”

“Sounds good,” Bozer said.

“Thanks,” Mac said.

“Anytime,” Bozer and Riley said.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'll be back with a fic set in S1 asap :D Until then, you can find me over on [Tumblr](https://breakfastteatime.tumblr.com/) :D


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